Great Expectations

      Over the years I have come to develop an intense fear of flying that I cannot seem to get to the root of.  I am no stranger to the friendly skies.  In fact, I have been accustomed to airplane travel for as long as I can remember.  When I was much younger I recall enjoying the unknown world of flying, and loved every facet of being airborne.  I would board the plane with no qualms about my safety, buckle my seat belt, and happily munch on the complimentary peanuts provided by the picture perfect flight attendants.  Needless to say, a lot has changed since these anxiety-free days of travel.  First off, the peanuts are no longer free and the flight attendants are anything but picture perfect.  While it would be easy to blame the aging and angry stewardesses for my influx in anxiety over the years, the origin is rooted beyond those heinously pleated uniforms. 

      If you know me now, you know that I have become a, well… train-wreck when it comes to flying.  From the second I enter the jet way, my pulse quickens and I start to think about anything and everything that could go possibly go wrong.  I picture the scene from LOST where the plane goes down in fiery chaos and the lives of the good-looking cast members are changed forever.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, I have to touch the outside of the plane every time I board because I once heard that performing this ritual is a form of good luck.  Good flying Karma, if you will.  It is really quite remarkable how anxious I become, and it is a mystery due to the fact that I have never been involved in any sort of major plane disaster.  It would be one thing if air travel was statistically dangerous, but as I know, flying is the safest mode of transportation from a statistical standpoint.  So why in God’s name do I lose my cool?  Every rational bone in my body says that I shouldn’t be afraid, yet thinking rationally does little to calm my nerves. 

      I have been trying to analyze my fear of flying for a couple years now, and I have come to the conclusion that my fear is directly correlated to my expectations. I am only afraid when something happens that I am not expecting.  When there is any type of in-flight turbulence my anxiety levels skyrocket, and I immediately think that something is going wrong.  If I know about this turbulence in advance, however, I find that I am much less frantic. 

     While attempting to psychoanalyze my fear of flying, I got to thinking that expectations were the very things responsible for nearly every human experience.  Fear, disappointment, happiness, surprise, and even love are all dictated by our individual expectations.  When our expectations don’t match up with reality we get scared, confused, and often times end up hurt.  I am not saying that expectations are bad.  In fact, they are necessary in order to understand the world in which we live.  I do think, however, that expectations can be heartbreaking and scary. I am currently going through a break-up with my boyfriend of nearly four years, and I have come to realize that my expectations of him and of our relationship did not come to fruition.  Although my expectations for our relationship didn’t match up with the reality he wanted, I still find it extremely difficult to let go of those pesky “what-ifs” and “whys” and “why not me's”.  Although our expectations often lead us to disappointments and fear, it is important to remember that without them we could never be pleasantly surprised or extremely happy.  So always remember that even though there may be a little turbulence in your life, you are probably scared or confused because you weren’t expecting the bumps, not because you can’t overcome them. So be happy :) xo KB